Friday, November 5, 2010

Bin Laden's Mountain Fortress: Newsflash from 2001! People actually believed this.

I bet there are a lot of people out there thinking I just pulled this picture out of my ass. Maybe I shopped this up after downing a bottle of vodka because I realized a sudden need to regain all those lost taxpayer dollars the US Government air dropped over the 'Graveyard of Empires'.

Well no. This shit actually happened.

In 2001.

They actually made Bin Laden into a Bond villain complete with his own high tech secret lair. You couldn't make this shit up. But they did. And people actually believed it.

Something you slowly realize as you get older is that people your own age eventually start running the world. Knowledge evolves slowly but arrives suddenly in a hammer smash before you are really ready to hear it. It becomes hard to reconcile the fact that the guy who you remember shitting his pants in your classroom when you were five is now the minister of whatever in some government job. That idiot from school is now starting wars.

Here's Rumsfeld selling the bullshit package to government spokesman Tim Russert.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Halloween... When the World swaps masks!

I'm a liberal.

I was at the rally in Washington and it was awesome. The turnout defeated Glenn Beck's corporate sponsered rally in attendance figures and that was something that touched my heart. No really! I'm not laughing into my glass of vodka at 5AM on Sunday morning. Actually I am. But it was something that got me all misty, especially at the end when John Stewert gave his heartfelt speech. I mean, who could not oppose a rally to 'restore sanity' to America?

I mean the whole world is behind the idea that America should be sane. Right?

Unfortunately, the whole world is a comedy show. Despite all those good and honest people showing up, 99% of which I'm sure I could sit down with in a bar and enter new realities with while agreeing on everything, there is still a shortcoming. All my new found rally friends would agree that there are things most Americans don't often get to see within the bubble of their own media, and that is the fucking military lock down that America has on most of the world's landmass.
Look at this shit.

Take a look at the map. Just imagine how the rest of the world 'feels'. Not to whip out my pussy but you see there's a big difference between intention and fucking reality. The reality is that the world is under existential siege by an American military machine that has a yearly budget greater than the rest of the world's militaries combined. Don't believe me? Let me citation that shit!

So you see how the rest of the world looks at the 'Restore Sanity" reality. Don't get me wrong, it's awesome to see you guys represent. To witness a sea of sane people in Washington is awesome. The rest of the world was impressed. But not really. Because, despite this rally, you people have no power and it's kind of awkward because the rest of the world realized this years ago. I hate to tell you that you have no power to affect change.

On a lighter note.

It's Halloween.

Now that's a date I remember in 2002.

One million people turned out on London streets protesting the Iraq War on that date. You see, I'm a fucking screaming liberal in case there is any doubt. The fact that I like to watch the bloodshed from my basement is my own fucking business. The fact that I like jerking off to war in my basement is my own fucking business. I'm dysfunctional and schizophrenic and so am I.

One million people instinctively knew the premise for war was bullshit. Fucking WMD bullshit was hilarious. Huge numbers turned out on American streets in subsequent protests. To no avail. They fucking grabbed that landmass no matter what. WMDs were the interim function to deny China and Russia of that easily extractable oil. In the global chessgame, the US made its move. What I find kinda sad, what makes be down another vodka, is seeing all those reasonable people, 215,000 American citizens, good people, reasonable people, intelligent people, all assembled in Washington for basically a reason that will be forgotten about in 30 days. Also, the assembly is arguing for things that those who run the country find contemptable. And I'm not talking Obama. I'm talking about the people who actually run the country!

You want a global analysis?

Well you're getting one anyway. Here's my dump...

Iran: basically scared shitless because they're surrounded by Americans; in the west by Iraqi Americans and to the east and north by Afghanistan Americans. The Indian Ocean has two US Carrier Groups doing circles off the Iranian coast, basically doing a dance and showing how much they could fuck you if they really wanted to.  If I lived in Iran, I'd be shitting myself as a citizen. As a young person I'm pissed at the fucking failure of the green revolution and stolen elections but most of my protest was begging the nutjobs in charge of Iran to just be a little more friendly so the rest of the world stops hating us. Hopefully before we all get nuked! The only response from threatened people... After some thought... Nuclear program engage! It's the only way to not get bombed by the foreign haters! A logical move on our part, right?

Take the Chinese next,

Savvy intelligent fuckers run by totalitarian top down capitalistic engineers. They are surrounded by the US Okinawa base in Japan to the east, a nice dose of Aegis Cruisers between the mainland and Taiwan to the southeast, a nuclear pact with India on their Southern border, Afghanistan in the Southwest and a shitload of oil deals with the other 'stans below their immediate borders south and east of the Himalayas. China sees the Americans as dumbfucks with military superiority but declining economic power. From their point of view in the global chess game, it's easier to sit back, avoid confrontation and let the US destroy itself all by itself. A glimpse at their internal politics and John Boehner's tan means these people are already fucked.

The Russians:

Russia views the John Stewert rally as a lollercaust. Putin would have long ago had someone put bullets in Stewer'ts head in his building's elevator. Clean like. When the media goes shitstorm you stare in the camera and say you had nothing to do with it and then go kill a bear Russia style. Fucking brass balls. Having as many nukes as the Americans gives the Russians serious leverage. Just because the Soviet shit collapsed doesn't mean Russia feels any the less. Capitalism is dodgy and America's banking crisis and treasury rape proves it. Meanwhile, we Russians have shitloads of oil and natural gas. The US under Bush gets all snotty by planting missile intercept bases in our former buffer territories like Poland and Czech Republic? Fine, we are weaker now and you call it liberty, but we're coming for you in the long run. When your Middle East buddies run out of oil, you will come running to us and that is how we will extract our revenge. Fucking Russians are boiling quietly, you rally going Americans need to be aware of that shit.

A rally to restore sanity...

What Americans don't understand or agree on is what a global definition of 'sanity' is.

And that's why the rest of the world is subdued. What possible change can you have? Many tried it by voting for Obama but it turns out that all that change was corporate manipulation. He was bought and paid for just like every politician is today in American politics. No mention of this at the 'rally'. No mention of how elections are funded. No call for a true light shined on how decision making is made in the world's only military superpower. No mention of what corporation owns Comedy Central and therefore gave the greenlight for this rally to even happen in the first place (with ads running in the bottom bar of my Comedy Central feed).

Sadly, the whole rally achieved no purpose. I dare you to remember it in two months time and show me what it achieved.

I'm a fucking downer. I hate my life. I hate the fact that I notice this shit. But it's not my fault.

The whole world is subtley at war, gently and kindly but mostly economically.

The 'Rally for Sanity' made my day, but as far as the rest of the world is concerned, it's some strange blip, highlighting the dichotomy of what many liberal Americans believe they are about and what the rest of the world sees as their kindly inability to halt the runaway imperialist juggernaut.

Liberalism, fair dealing and calls to power to act reasonably get you nowhere in modern America politics. Neither does 215,000 people assembling in front of the Capitol. None of it will affect the mid term elections. The powers that be don't give a shit. They privately own mass media. They privately select and elect candidates based on the money they input into elections.

Democracy is a quaint idea for ancient Greeks.

Meanwhile, the powers that be know not to give a shit about rallys and public displays of reasonableness.

They own the cops and the armed forces and history says that violence is the only thing that ever changes the world.

Anyone want to go wreck some shit?